The Change

Something is happening to me. I don't know how much of it can be attributed to having three children? I don't know how much comes down to age? What I do know is that I am going through a change. 

Let me tell you why -

1) I have grey hairs in my eyebrows. At first I thought my eyebrows were sun-kissed, like Elle Macpherson. I was lying to myself. I began pulling them out whenever I discovered one. I stopped doing it when a beautician told me the hair follicle was dead and nothing would grow in its place. If I kept going, I would have a bald eyebrow. I would be forced to draw my eyebrows on with black eyeliner. I was mortified.

2) I can hold a can of Coke under my breasts. I couldn't even hold a pencil under my boobs when I was younger. Now, ravaged by my three, breastfed babies, they hang, low and heavy. On the upside, they are very handy when I forget my shopping bags.

3) Still on boobs, I have hairy areolas. Seriously, where do all the hairs come from? Mother Nature must know there are NO REASONS for hair to grow there. Give me a break.

4) My vocabulary has hit the skids. Ok, that's not entirely true. In recent years, I've added Twitter, widgets, ca ching ca ching ba bling ba bling and Belieber to my repertoire, but when it comes to describing things I like, I am stuck. What do the young people say? I still say groovy, fab, cool, hip and funky. I assume these words are anything but.

5) I just said: "What do the young people say?" If that doesn't prove I'm going through a change, I don't know what does? 

6) I have been wearing the same style of jeans for four years. That can't be good. They are so out of shape now I can't tell if they’re skinny or boyfriend jeans. And stonewash is in, right?

7) I measure out spirit quantities when making cocktails. In my younger years, I’d just pour whatever booze we had in the house straight into my stolen beer glass or just skull straight from the bottle or the cask. 

8) I have alcohol free days. Enough said.

9) I wear control undies, pull my socks up under my jeans and have been known to wear thermals. Mostly, these things are to smooth out my fat rolls, but recently I wore a singlet to keep my chest warm as it was "a little windy outside". All my children wore one too. Actually, I think we may have also all been wearing floppy jeans and t-shirts layered over long sleeve tops, because that looks kind of funky doesn’t it?

10) And lastly, I laugh at my own jokes. Someone has to.


Have you undergone any changes lately?