This week's message to my girls is from the one and only Mrs Woog; the cray cray, brains and beauty behind WoogsWorld. She is a woman after my own heart, who I adore.
Your mum is a good mate of mine and has asked me to share some wisdom with you.
Now, your Aunty Woog is not known for her wisdom, more from her flippant attitude towards all things house-worky and a blatant disregard for a healthy lifestyle. But this is not about that.
This is about boys.
My first experience with matters of the heart was when Peter Ryan dumped me when I was ten. Why? Because I refused to hold his hand up the back of the bus on a school excursion. What an asshole! I mean the lad had a face like a smacked up monkey’s asshole and he dumped me?
When you are in highschool you will fall in love with the cute popular boy. You just will. We all did. Now, expect this boy to hurt you hard. Take comfort in the fact that in years to come when you are living in Paris, he will be still living with his mother, recalling his glory days. And he will be bald and play Internet games with strangers around the world in between his shifts at the service station.
All going according to plan, you will have an intense love affair in your very early 20’s with a complete douche-bag who will not call you when he told you he would and treat you like dirt. GET OUT QUICKLY! Listen to your LOSER ALERT, which will be developing nicely by this time.
Please, PLEASE do not sleep with your boss when you get your first job. No good can come of it.
Instead of making any of these rookie mistakes, look for the quieter man. A man who does not need ego stroking. A man who treats you like the princess that you are. A man who reads is really important, if you ask me, ditto if he cooks.
I know of many relationships success stories that come with a red headed male. They seem to be rather lovely creatures. Keep this in mind.
Also, if your partner genuinely gets on with your mates, then that goes a long way as well. Ditto your mum.
So, in conclusion, my sweet cupcakes, expect to get hurt. Expect to learn something new from any failed relationships, but mainly expect the best and settle for nothing less.
Because you are so worth it.
Love Aunty Mrs WoogsWorld xx
PS: Tell your mum that she is awesome
I am mum to two boys, boss of my husband and master of a cat and two guinea pigs. Come nightfall, I watch TV while tweeting which drives Mr Woog insane. I can be found in the laundry, folding laundry, sorting laundry and dropping off the dry cleaning. I like to read cookbooks and eat out. During my waking hours, I ferry kids around in the terminally ill Mazda while drinking takeaway coffees and listening to talkback. I think about going to the gym every day. I used to work in the publishing industry before I realised it was nothing like Elaine Benes from Seinfeld made out like it was.