HAPPY NEW YEAR

I was planning on writing a post about the year gone and my plans for the year ahead, but I couldn't be bothered. I've just been on holidays and am still in mucho relaxo mode.
I'm finding it taxing enough going to the fridge to grab another chilled Adelaide Hills Sauvignon Blanc let alone stringing intelligent, funny and emotive sentences together.

Instead, I'd like to thank you for popping into bigwords. I treasure the friendships I've made through this site. Keep safe, keep laughing, keep curious, keep having adventures and keep loving.

This year is going to super amazing, I just know it.

Happy holidays!

bigwords x

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

I'm taking a little blogging break. Wishing you all a safe and happy holidays. 

Merry Xmas!

HO HO HO! 

LOVE

BIGWORDS XX

Give It To Me Baby

What I want for Christmas - a list.

1) No whinging at home. Or in the car. Or at the shops. Or in the playground. Or anywhere. Make it stop. Please make it stop.

2) A life-sized cut out of Pat Rafter. Obviously, I'd much rather the real thing, but I'm already married and I don't want to have to deal with two men's raging sexual desires. One is enough. Seriously, how many headaches can one woman have?

3) On a very similar topic, I'd love more sleep. Uninterrupted, deep sleep. And while I'm at it, I'd like to take more naps as well. Ones where you're reading a book and then nod off. I'd also hope that when I woke up from said naps I didn't have one side of my face completely covered in dribble and my hair wasn't sticking up awkwardly on one side.

4) I want these Chanel sunglasses

and this Stella McCartney bag.

5) I'd love to have more time to see movies, chat on the phone to friends, drink coffee, have long lunches, go to art galleries, dance, have pints in beer gardens, listen to live music, play video games, try on clothes, swim, walk through pretty gardens, go to comedy shows, eat fine food, volunteer, write, sit quietly and reflect on the world, discuss interesting issues, watch tv series from the beginning to the end in one sitting - basically just have more time. More time for me.

6) I want all kids to be able to go to school without fear. I'd like for all kids to have access to education. I'd like for all kids to have access to food and clean water. I'd like for all kids to be loved. I'd love more people to give a shit. I'd love more people with the power to change things to actually change them, rather than talk about how they would change things if they had the courage and inclination to actually do something meaningful, rather than politicise.

7) I want more Maggie Beer dark chocolate and orange ice-cream in my belly. I'd also like my belly not convert that into fat. I'd also like to develop a love of running so I can fit into my jeans.

8 ) I'd like people to be more honest with others and not hide behind their computers screens writing on forums. You know who you are.

9) I want my family to be happy, brave, healthy, silly, loving and adventurous. Just like it is already, but more so. With a little less of whinging, the waking in the night, the kicking me in the head when they crawl into my bed, the asking for "something to eat" all of the time and the fighting over toys. I'd prefer more of the kisses, the crazy dancing, the giggles, the learning, the absurdly glorious questions, the smiles, the singing and the hand holding.

10) I want more days like this.

11) I want everyone to have long, fulfilled lives - marked by generosity, empathy, good health, curiosity and the strength to change the things that are unfair for themselves and others.

12) I want to thank everyone for reading bigwords and to wish you a safe and happy holidays. You rock my world. You make me laugh, cry and help my heart to sing. I am so grateful to you all.

What do you want?

bigwords x

Fat Melting Undies

I've been going to some extreme measures to lose weight lately.

First off, there was the dismal attempt at the Lemon Detox Diet. I still can't believe that I handed over one hundred bucks to purchase cayenne pepper and natural tree syrup. It didn't even include the lemons for fuck's sake. I lasted half a day before I thought I'd pass out and vomit. It was so vile.

Then I uttered the words: "Maybe a bout of gastro is what I need?" And just like that, the God of Stupidity went BAM and gastro appeared. Of course, I had to suffer through my three kids and husband falling prey to the awfulness before I got it. I lost three kilos and then followed it up with the "I just won't eat much so I keep it off diet". That lasted one week. I have now put it all back on, and then some.

Most of my ridiculous weight loss schemes end up with me feeling crap. Then I just give up, eat a bag of chips, scoop ice-cream straight from the tub and down a bottle of wine before looking for my next quick fix.

I don't want to get super skinny, I just want to fit into my clothes as I can't afford to buy new ones. My favourite jeans split up the arse last week and I fear the black pants I am wearing, as I write, are about to do the same. Soon, I'll have to buy a sling to hold my belly up. I could carry it around like a newborn baby.

And then I saw these pants.

They claim to draw on infra-red energy rays to melt the fat away. Energy rays. Why didn't I think of that earlier?  Silly me. Here I was thinking I'd have to skip the quick fix and instead do what any healthy person does and that's watch what I eat and exercise. I could just pop my infra-red energy ray, fat melting pants on and WHAM, instant skinny. According to a News Limited article, ads for the underwear claim it contains "ActiveBioCrystals" that "emit Far Infra Red" energy rays. These "rays" kick-start what is known as the "BioPromise effect" which melts the fat away. These claims are now the subject of a complaint to the Therapeutic Products Advertising Complaints resolution panel. Bugger. Here I was getting excited.

Looks like I'm just going to have to stop eating so much crap food after all. Or maybe I could start the baby food diet? Blended pumpkin and apple anyone?

What's the stupidest weight loss craze that's sucked you in?

bigwords x

Be A Tiger, Not A Sheep

I'm not one for motivational sayings, but I saw this and it rang true. I spend a lot of time immersed in this blog, it's my "go to" place. It's where my words tumble from me and I share my heart with you. Contrary to what many people believe I do not divulge all my secrets, only the ones I think may resonate with you, things I hope will in some way make you laugh or not feel so alone. Most importantly, it is my avenue to write and writing soothes, and thrills, me.

I'd be lying to say that I am not also driven somewhat by ego. I need the connection with others as much as much as I hope my willingness to share connects with you. I look at my stats and sometimes get caught up in the numbers. I look at my stagnant Facebook page numbers and question my ability to connect. I worry that somehow I am not sharing enough or giving enough of myself. I analyse my writing. Am I not good enough? I become the sheep and forget to be the tiger.

Then I stop. I breathe. I reevaluate why it is I started blogging in the first place. It wasn't for the site visits, it was because I felt like I was drowning. I had just had my third child and I felt disconnected from the outside world. I wanted something for me. I wanted to walk into a room and have something to talk about other than my children. I wanted to show my girls that women are fearless.

I've turned blogging into a vehicle to pursue a variety of new writing opportunities. It's provided me with a regular radio segment. And one day soon I will revisit my novel. Blogging has given me that drive and introduced me to so many people pursuing similar life ambitions. It's been a gift.

This coming year I want to turn my attention away from the pursuit of blog growth and instead focus more on my words. Be more mindful of what I publish. Not worry about the thoughts of others or care so much about my lack of "popularity". I will always fail if I judge myself against the success of others. I can not be creative if I spend time following in other's footsteps, I must leap in different directions. The only person I have to compete against is myself. I need to challenge myself and you the reader more.

The end of the year always brings with it much reflection. I refuse to be drawn into the stupid mummy blogger debate any longer. People determined to pigeonhole women who write - to dumb down the sharing of experiences. I hate the term. I refuse to be drawn into the ridiculous behind the scenes hate groups and woe is me bullshit that tears apart segments of the blogging community. I don't want to a part of all that nonsense. So much negativity and jealousy and game playing. People consumed by the numbers and the rules. People so consumed by fear, they forget they have a voice and a platform. They forget how lucky they are to be able to bring a variety of opinions into the forefront and instead spend their time bringing down others. What a waste. Blog brave.

A tiger doesn't lose sleep over the opinion of sheep. These words resonate with me.

bigwords x

Craft - The Scourge Of Our Nation

Forget about the increasing number of internet trolls and bigots, there's a new scourge taking over Australian homes - craft. What, I hear you say? How can craft be as bad as nasty, narrow-minded stupid people? Well, let me tell you.

Craft is a main contributing factor to global warming. FACT. 
Forget recycling your cardboard boxes, just take them to your local school or playgroup so your kids can bring it all back a day later with non-recyclable materials stuck all over them. Whole rain forests and egg carton tree plantations are being decimated, all for what? So little people can glue googly eyes and sprinkle glitter all over them. And don't even get me started on glitter. These so-called "craft projects" are the single biggest cause of global warming. Trust me. Scientists need to listen.

Craft is the driving force behind rising divorce rates. FACT.
Forget about putting the dishes away and leaving the toilet seat up, craft is the biggest cause of relationship breakdowns. It just sits there like the elephant in the room, sometimes it is an actual cardboard elephant. It signifies the loss of freedom and spontaneity. Craft is a real mood killer too. Have you ever tried to have a quickie on the couch when a rogue cork with pipe cleaner antlers pokes you in the arse? And then there's the fighting among the kids when one of them thoughtfully decorates another kid's project. Not pretty and it's tearing families apart.

Craft is polluting our waterways. FACT.
How many times have you been walking home from school pick-up, or popping the bags into the back of the car, when craft has flown out of your hands? Hundreds of times. Secretly, I feel relieved that it's one less cereal box I have to squeeze onto the already craft covered, kitchen bench. However, I also feel immense guilt for the birds and fishes it is killing when it flies into our local waterways and creeks. Not to mention the fear these poor creatures must feel to have a demented robot coming at them. Craft's a menace I tell you.

Craft is evil. FACT.
Have you seen some of the projects kids bring home from school? Seriously. I'd like to say how proud I am of my kids and go on and on about how darn talented they are, but I'd be lying. It gives kids a false sense of artistic ability. That's simply unfair and wrong. And quite often the images are frightening. Demented eyes, crooked smiles, fur - craft is in simple terms, scary.

Craft is trying to suffocate me. FACT.
Like scenes out of a second-rate eighties horror movie, craft is actually possessed and is trying to take over every corner of my home. At night it multiplies. It slowly overtakes all clean surfaces. Wine lids with glittery tendrils, lurid coloured feathers and glitter covered cotton balls are hitching rides with paint splattered butcher's paper and together these craft monstrosities want to kill me. They want to turn my home into a hoarder's paradise and then slowly suffocate me.

There needs to be a cap on craft. A limit for each child needs to be agreed upon. Measures must be put in place. Soon the Government will have to introduce a Craft Tax or the world will self implode.

What are your thoughts?

bigwords x

The Toll

There are ten people who will not be spending time with family and friends this holiday season. They were killed in two car accidents last weekend. Ten people in just one weekend.

Last year, 1,291 people died on our nation's roads. Drivers, passengers, cyclists, motor cyclists and pedestrians. They all went out and never came home.

Speed, seat belts, alcohol, drugs and reckless driving were major factors in many of those accidents. People driving without enough sleep. People overestimating their own abilities, fuelled by ego and stupidity. Cars that are simply too powerful. Many young men who are not scared of death. Many young men who will never know what life is all about because they are now dead, leaving their families to live for them. Families torn apart by selfishness.

When I was younger I traveled in cars driven way too fast. I traveled in cars being driven by people who did not have car licences. I've never driven a car drunk, but in my past I've driven stoned many times. Trust me I didn't drive fast. I didn't even drive the speed limit. It was bloody stupid. I wouldn't do it now.

There is no reason to drive above the speed limit. There is no reason to drink and drive. There is no reason to put the lives of strangers at risk. But this message is not getting out. While the road toll is getting lower over time, the number of deaths are still tragically high.

Advertising campaigns are more graphic. Speed limits, on average, are lowering. Seat belts are being worn by more people. Yet, still too many people are dying on our roads. Last Xmas period, there were 49 deaths. Soon the countdown will begin again. I remember working as a journalist over the holiday season and every time I wrote a story about a road fatality, I'd have to include the national road toll statistic. I think it was highlighted to try and scare people into driving safely, yet still road accidents kept happening. Single vehicle accidents on long stretches of straight road, cars traveling in opposite directions colliding on freeways, the horror continues.

On the weekend, four young people, waiting in a stationary vehicle for a tow truck, died when another car slammed into them. The driver of the other car also died. The accident left a baby orphaned.

With every fatal car crash there are emergency services crews, police, hospital staff, reporters and witnesses all impacted. There are friends left behind. Families shattered. And there are lives not lived. Lives that mean everything.

I don't have the answers, but I know more needs to be done to tackle this devastation. What other people do on the roads terrifies me. I fear my not only my own family's safety, but for the safety of others. I worry about my kids when they grow up and stand in solidarity with the other parents who spend nights worrying about their own children. Getting from A-to-B should not end in death.

To have 10 people die on one weekend should not be buried. We should be outraged.

Drive safe.

bigwords xx

This Kid

I am very proud of this kid today. Last night was her kindy Xmas concert. For the time yesterday she actually participated in a kindy activity - singing and practicing the actions in preparation for the big event. The kindy staff were so excited that finally the child who hasn't spoken all term finally looked like she was having fun.

But when it was time to get on stage with her classmates, she lost her nerve. For the first part of the concert, Twiggy sat with her. And for the second part, I sat with her.

Then it happened. I whispered in her ear: "Maybe this song you could pretend there's no-one watching and just sing it to me. Be brave." And she did. I could see her eyes, so full of fear, start to soften. I small smile built up inside her.

I looked out into the audience and locked eyes with my husband. His smile was wide. He was so proud of her. I was so proud of her. And most importantly, she was proud of herself.

And that my friends is what being a parent is all about. The little moments that really are so, so big.

Have you had any lately?

bigwords x

The Xmas Photo

If I could, I'd dress my family in costumes and take photos like this one (above), but I have a feeling I'll have to ease them into it. In the meantime, I'll just have to be happy with scrolling through the Awkward Family Photos website. I look at it over and over and each time I laugh and laugh.

This year we thought we'd do our own. We've started small, with me buying the whole family Christmas t-shirts. Twiggy's has a picture of a Dj-ing Santa with the words: "Santa's In Da House". Mine has "Ho Ho Ho" across the boobs. Very appropriate.

The thing is, these ideas never go to plan and the first photo, which was meant to be the nice family one, I think is almost the funniest, almost. Let's just say Miss 2 was freaked out and Miss 4 was not keen.

And then after a quick change.

Every time I look at the photos I laugh. I can't wait until next year. One day there will be costumes, I just know it.

Have you taken a funny family photo?

bigwords x

Five In The Bed

There were five in the bed and the biggest one said: "This is only a fucking Queen sized bed and I can't take it anymore."

There were five in the bed and the second-biggest said: "This is ridiculous. I should be able to sleep in my own bed without getting kicked in the head. FFS."

There were five in the bed and the third biggest said: "I'm a cat. I'm going to crawl under the covers and roll around everywhere, scratch your legs and lick you on the face."

There were five in the bed and the fourth biggest said: "I've got snot."

There were five in the bed and the littlest said: "Waaaaaaaaahhhhh."

Last night there were five in our bed. I slept on the edge while Miss 4 claimed my pillow. She also sneezed repeatedly into the back of my head. All the while, Twiggy slept upside down so his feet were far too close to my face. The 5yo took over his position on the bed and the toddler crammed herself somewhere. I am unsure exactly where I could just hear her screaming and lashing out at people.

Five people in one bed is not a suitable sleeping arrangement.

I look at this and feel jealous.

Will we ever get to sleep in our bed by ourselves again?

bigwords x

Dear Stupid People

Let's get straight to the point. I am as stupid as the stupidest person in the room, but there are some facts I need to get straight. 

Sharing Facebook status updates including legal jargon about copyright or saccharine messages does not bolster your social awareness. It's just annoying.

Two And A Half Men is not funny. I don't even think it's a tv show, I actually think it's a documentary about stupid people.

Milo does not help you "work, rest and play", it helps shut the kids up for five minutes. And while we're at it, just because a certain chocolate contains a "glass-and-a-half of full cream dairy milk" means squat.

Blood is red, not blue. And no-one who has their period wears tight white pants. No-one. Unless of course they are a gymnast, but I'm pretty sure they'd skip their pill for the big meets.

Mums do not want to be congratulated for buying margarine or bread. They want to be doing anything but buying groceries. Margarine and bread purchasing is not a skill, it's a reminder that you're not off traveling the world.

Today Tonight and A Current Affair are not news programs. Please do not refer to segments shown on those shows as fact.

Flies are not called Louie. They are called Stan. Everyone knows that.

Boat people wear boat shoes and Lacoste polo shirts. The other people, who out of desperation and fear, flee the only homes they know to cram onto dangerous vessels in an attempt to find a safe haven for their families, are called asylum seekers. Or in simpler terms, they are called people.

Despite what he'd like us to believe, Prime Minister Gillard never "stabbed" Kevin Rudd in the back. There would have been blood and much screaming if she had. OK, there's been screaming, but no blood.

Just because - you ride a bike fast, kick a ball through two tiny sticks or hit holes in one - doesn't mean you are exempt from decency.

The Real Housewives are not real. They are anything but real. And Dancing With The Stars is a bit of a stretch depending on the "star" and the "dancing".

Spending time online writing nasty things about other people anonymously makes you a coward, not a commentator.

Beer is a food group. I repeat, it is a food group.

Rebecca Black is not a vocalist, nor is she a lyricist. And while we are on the topic of music, stop downloading Chris Brown tracks and please refrain from encouraging Nickelback.

And whatever you do, don't forget to check the spelling before getting a tattoo.

Have you got any messages you'd like to add?

bigwords x