I see you

I see you

2

I see you.

You might not think so, but I do.

I know what you’re doing. I do it too. The dark clothes, the sunglasses, your face in your phone. It’s easier to try and hide yourself than be dismissed. Or ignored.

The chit chat is excruciating. It makes you feel more inadequate and lonelier than before.

It’s easier to be invisible.

But I see you.

Whether it’s at the school gate or in the kitchen at the office. A work function. A friend’s bbq.

You pop on some warpaint. Distract with costume jewellery. Wrap your coat around your shoulders to shield you from social interactions. It’s all a disguise.

You have nothing to contribute. You’ve lost your ability to fight your own perception of yourself. You’d rather be anywhere else. You have nothing to say. How do you even have conversations anymore?

Silence. Rambled incoherency. More silence.

I hear you. You’re in there somewhere.

You’ve pushed yourself aside to be everything to everyone else. You’ve forgotten that you’re also a work in progress. Your kids will grow soon enough and you’ll have to stand on your own two feet. You can’t hide behind them anymore.

It’s time to unwrap the layers you’ve built to hide from the world.

You have a special spark. Find it. Let the fire burn again. Give it time to glow red hot. It might go out, but with a little attention it will burn red hot again.

Say no, it’s ok to do something for yourself. Your kids will be fine. In fact, they’ll be happier if you give them the space they need to build their own fires within.

Selfishness is not a dirty word. You’ve given too much, I know that. You’ve given so much that you lost yourself. And now in the light you hide like you’re nocturnal. You lurk in the shadows and the darkness.

You need to light that flame again.

I see you.

Bianca x

 

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